Phew. Okay. Praying for the right words, Lord.
If you know me, you know I love Taylor Swift. BUT DON’T STOP READING! I PROMISE THIS IS NOT AN OBSESSIVE POST ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT. All I want to do is reference something she says in this video…
**Also I know as swiftie I’m not supposed to say the old Taylor Swift is better, but the old Taylor Swift is the one I fell in love with. I mean, how wonderful was that!?**
In the beginning of the video, Taylor says this as she introduces the song:
And uh, we wrote a song about when you’re falling for someone and you know that it’s dangerous, and you know that it could really, really, really, really, r e a l l y , just annihilate you if it were to not work out, and it could possibly not work out, and it probably won’t work out, but you go for it anyway. And so, this is called “Treacherous.”
Ever had that feeling before?
Yeah, me too. More times than I care to admit, actually. This feeling of…
And I’d be smart to walk away,
But you’re quicksand
Jefferson Bethke, one of my favorite authors and inspirations, talks about this feeling in a blog post.
For a lot of us, the way we see love, dating, sexuality, marriage, and romance is like a flat tire. There’s a little something off at first. We know it and we feel it. Sure, we can still get from point A to point B on a flat tire. Sure, it does the job. Sure, sex before marriage doesn’t feel wrong. Sure, living together while you’re dating helps you learn more about each other. But there are moments when it feels “off.” There are moments when it feels more damaging than it should. But we don’t know any better, so we keep driving. And it gets worse. And worse. And worse.
You know it’s a bad idea. It doesn’t feel right. You know you shouldn’t be chasing after this. But you’re so obsessed with the idea of this person or this relationship that everything around you seems like a sign telling you to just go for it. But in the silence, you hear something else. And it’s different than the feeling you have when you’re afraid. You want to tell yourself that by taking this risk you’re overcoming fear, but you’re not. It’s not the same. Instead, you’re blocking out that still, small voice that whispers to you in the silence. You ignore the feeling that something isn’t right here. You convince yourself that maybe somewhere down the line you could make this work or that feeling may go away over time. So you just hold on as tightly as you can.
I become frustrated with myself when I have that feeling and I ignore it. Whether it’s in a friendship, or in any relationship at all, I know that feeling all too well. I know my heart will be hurting at the end of the road, but in the moment, holding on seems less painful than letting go. If I wasn’t a follower of Jesus, I would still be holding onto many, if not all of the relationships Jesus has called me to let go of. I pray that my heart will be in alignment with His, but when it doesn’t align, I pray He will reveal that discontinuity to me and give me the strength to let go of whatever it is I shouldn’t be holding onto. I pray that He will give me the strength not to ignore that feeling, but instead to let it bring me back to Him.
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)
Seems quite simple. Guarding my heart and all. There’s no wayyyyy that I would get wrapped up in relationships that could hurt me. If my heart desires for this work, I can make it work, right? There’s no problem with an obsession if I don’t act on it and it’s just all in my head. There’s no problem with staying attached to someone hoping they’ll change. I mean, if I’m not dating the person, I can’t really get hurt, right? But I was already hurt. Turns out, trying to make things work that aren’t in God’s will is exhausting. Trying to force my timing into play is exhausting. And none of it felt right. I was drained and I was spent. I was lonely.
At my high school retreat a few weekends ago, the first bit scripture the speaker spoke to took us back to the beginning.
In the beginning, God…
Genesis 1:1 (ESV)
He then raised the question, “Why did God create all of this?” I hadn’t thought about this much before. In my mind, I guess it was just part of the plan. Like of course God was going to create the earth; what else was he going to do? But God didn’t create the earth out of loneliness. He doesn’t need us. He doesn’t need the earth. He doesn’t need anything. He created everything from love. It’s because He wants us.
From that, I was convicted. I began thinking about all of the things in my life I do out of loneliness instead of love. Checking social media for one. Sure, sometimes I genuinely want to see what’s going on. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself mindlessly scrolling through my phone because I’m bored and lonely. It’s an obsession.
We’ve all been convinced that falling in love is supposed to be reckless. It’s supposed to be this mad love affair where two people can’t get enough of each other. It’s supposed to be an obsession like the movies. But friends, I think that’s terribly wrong.
Being in love with someone and being obsessed with someone are two completely different dynamics. Often times we like to blur these two together. But if the things or people or relationships we are chasing are causing us to ignore God’s voice and that feeling that something is off, then it can’t be right. Regardless of whether or not we are dating someone, or married to someone, we are fully human. No one else can save us besides Jesus. No one else can complete us besides Jesus. Our lives aren’t put on pause until we get married. He’s calling us to new and exciting things here in our lives right now.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7 (ESV)
When I’m struggling to guard my heart, my God is mighty to save. This doesn’t mean all my work is done for me. However, when my heart fails to recognize the mess it has gotten itself into, the Lord’s still, small, voice beckons me to hand over the mess I’ve wrapped myself up in. He calls me to let it go.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer says this…
Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.
Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.
Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: “ye were bought at a price,” and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.
If Christ is calling us to let go, then why is it so painful? If we know that the love of Christ is infinitely better than anything we will ever know, why do we hesitate? Well, it costs us our lives. And not just once, but every single day. We are following God who is literally out of this world while we are still living in the world. Of course we will be tempted and of course we will be challenged. And I guess it truly comes down to whether or not we decide to lean in when we hear God’s whisper or if we’ll just keep running. Either way, He’s here for us because He loves us. In the letting go, He is drawing us closer to Himself.
Ellie Proctor 